Stillness
In a recent psilocybin journey, the message of "Stillness" was transmitted with incredible clarity. I can't actually say HOW it came through (as is often the nature of psychedelic journeys) but it was like I just suddenly KNEW that "stillness" was an important exploration for me.
Last year, I had been (somewhat unsuccessfully) exploring the idea of "slow your roll". Seems like the medicine was inviting me to step it up and into "stillness".
One of the (many) things I appreciate about plant medicine is that, often, the learning is presented as a "knowing" or an "invitation" to explore something. My journey work began in 2016 and, so far, all of my experiences have been about an opening to new possibilities or an invitation to reconsider how I had been looking at things...never any sense of forcing or pushing me in a specific direction.
Now, if you know me, you may know that sitting still is not a strength of mine. I come from a loooooong line of "Doers" who value constant productivity and accomplishment above all else. Stillness does not come naturally - nor without resistance - for me. The clarity of this message was so profound that I felt a draw towards exploring it more.
Since that journey, it appears that the Universe is conspiring to support me in this inquiry – especially when I quickly slipped back into my "doer" habits. I have been amazed at how my busy schedule has been interrupted by activities being canceled or postponed; get togethers delayed; weather not being conducive to my usual outdoor pursuits. My dogs have even gotten in on the act as Mushu slows down with age and can no longer hike.
Despite my intention to practice Stillness, I bought a new road bike (which was another unrelated therapeutic intervention that came out of work I've been doing on not "tolerating" things that don't work for me. I may write about this at a later time.) I planned to train not an event. But, true to form, not just any bike event… the Triple Bypass - 110 miles over three mountain passes (Evergreen to Vail). This plan was definitively re-routed by a freak accident with my dog's leashes that ended in a broken metacarpal, hand surgery and a new titanium screw - all of which put a huge damper on my intended training plans and brought me right back to the "stillness" endeavor.
Subsequently, I did a few solo journeys with 2.5 grams of Penis Envy and I was amazed to watch neural network rewiring in action. Laying on the garden swing or couch practicing stillness, I felt the familiar pull to jump up every time I had a thought/impulse to "do" something. I smiled to myself as I felt the habit being gently interrupted and re-patterned with stillness.
I am far from perfect at this “stillness" practice, but I am definitely shifting my previously unconscious – and unquestioned - practice of "do, Do, DO" and am beginning to slow my roll.
I am far from perfect at this 'stillness" practice, but I am definitely shifting my previously unconscious – and unquestioned - practice of "do, Do, DO" and am beginning to slow my roll.